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Sex with Trans Women – Everything You Wanted to Know but Dare not Ask

We know that you are curious, and sometimes porn just isn’t enough. You want more, it is as simple as that. Yes, shemale Snapchat accounts provide us with a bit of an insight. But there is so much more that we can learn to help us enjoy the whole experience, and more importantly ensure that our partner is enjoying it. 

Let’s dig in and see what it is that you can learn to make your sex life with your trans woman that much better and more exciting. 

Don’t make assumptions about their genitals.

According to Allure article – “Mainstream porn implies anyone with a penis, be they cis men, nonbinary people, or trans women, prefer intense, rigorous stroking until they squirt semen. While not every trans woman uses estrogen, many (if not most) of them do, and their bodies work so much differently than cis men on hormone replacement therapy (or HRT). Trans adult performer Claire Tenebrarum warns that cisgender women are just as prone to cis men when it comes to believing and regurgitating these unrealistic stereotypes.

“Based on Tinder hookups and just general interactions with cis girls and couples on Tinder, their knowledge, like cis men's knowledge, comes from highly fetishized pornography where girls with thick, throbbing cocks shoot wads of cum,” Tenebrarum reports. “There's a complete lack of even basic understanding of trans people, how our medication works, and we're basically just treated like cis men with tits.””

This is a real issue and one that is to be approached with care and understanding. Make sure that you don’t assume, but rather ask and communicate, that is the best way to help your trans partner feel comfortable. 

Takes time for trans ladies to build trust – be patient

When asked about dating and Tinder as a trans woman Juno Dawson had the following to say – ““I’ve always fantasized about being with a trans girl,” start a good number of my Tinder chats, and herein lies the fatal flaw: unless a trans woman has a burning desire to shag someone who objectifies her, it isn’t going to work, is it? There is a total lack of interest in what pleasure I might get out of the arrangement. I think this is down to porn culture, a generation of young men who have always had access to high-quality streaming pornography, and never had access to decent sex education at school. Teenage boys are learning that sex is, primarily, an activity in which they will gain pleasure and dominance and that their female partners will be delighted to receive it. Unsurprisingly, most of the guys matching with me on Tinder are aged 18 to 25. Older guys are, shall we say, less experimental.


The most telling, and discouraging, the part is that my new Tinder friends seem most to want a good rogering. I would argue that if they want a willy, they would be better off sleeping with a man. It is sad that so many men want something sexually, but don’t feel it is societally acceptable to ask for it. It taps into some murky themes of fragile masculinity, homophobia, and repressed desire.”

So, it is important that you want to build a relationship with a trans woman in order for sex to be really good and intimate. 

Don’t assume all trans guys are bottoms.

This seems to be another common misconception. Many trans men are tops! There’s more to being a top than having a penis and putting it somewhere. A good top, in my opinion, knows how to listen, take charge, and deliver pleasure at the right speed and intensity. The sexual tools at his disposal are endless — he has his hands, mouth, fingers, strength, breath, and body weight, along with a myriad of sex toys, strap-ons, insertables, and more that exist.

So, keep that in mind again, it is all about communication. You need to discover what your partner’s desires and preferences are and base your interaction and sexual games on that. Never assume you know everything. 

Trans women are not a fetish and if you feel that way this is not for you

Fetishizing trans men is problematic for the same reason that fetishizing black men and HIV-positive men are problematic. All three fetishes can lead to harmful stereotypes and misconceptions, and all three can actually reinforce stigma and prejudice.

Guys who fetishize black men generally proliferate the negative, racist image of men of color as 'sexual beasts' ready to dominate white men with their massive penises — a dangerous idea that goes back to colonialism and claims made by racist pseudoscientists that black men are more attuned to baser, animalistic impulses like sex because they are less intelligent, less human than white people.

People who fetishize HIV-positive folks think we're all infectious sex maniacs eagerly spreading our "toxic" seed to anyone unfortunate enough to have sex with us — a concept that contributes to the demonization and criminalization of HIV and adds to HIV stigma. And people who fetishize trans women tend to fetishize a false, trans-negative image — the subservient woman with a dick, eager to bottom for a dominant alpha-top. 

Never let porn be your guide. Talk to the person facing you and take the time to get to know their passions and preferences. That is certainly the best way to go about it. 

Love and sex in the trans world are not a given. But they are far from intangible. There is so much love out there and it is waiting for you.